Such a life, such a death
by temarcia
Summary: Life ain't easy when everybody hates you.


Mr Snippy believed in logic, though he was surrounded by madness. That simple fact made his life horrible, especially in his own estimation.

„Which one of them is crazier?" Engineer asked him one day.

Obviously, he meant Captain and Pilot. The pair of idiots was having fun today. All of this started when Pilot brought a colorful chalk that he had found during a mission. Now, both were kneeling on a concrete floor eagerly drawing some silly things like butterflies, balloons, bombs and whatever image their sick minds could produce.

Captain was definitely insane. His lack of fear or rather his false sense of security stayed untouched even in front of the greatest hazard. At the same time, he was creating a great hazard to others with his irresponsible actions. Even so, did he care? No! Why should he? After all, they were only pawns for him to entertain.

On the other hand, Pilot's case wasn't much better. At first, he appeared nice and sweet with his childish behavior, but when it came to the topic of his beloved Captain, he turned out to be totally obsessed. Pilot suffered horrifying addiction to this man, and his devotion grew to the level of worshiping. In poor thing's twisted mind, Captain was a god-like being.

To sum up, idolizing a madman makes Pilot mad two-fold. Snippy could feel sorry for the deluded guy, if only that lunatic wouldn't have tried to kill him.

"Look, Capt'n!" Pilot said cheerfully. "I made our portrait! That's You" he pointed the biggest figure in a middle of a simple picture. "That's Mr Engie and that's me."

Captain cocked his head to the right, admiring Pilot's art

"I must admit zat you captured my majesty quite well" he commented with voice full of approval.

Sniper came closer slightly interested. He looked at the doodle with does of skepticism.

"You forget about me" he mentioned.

"Not at all. You're right here, Mr Snippy" he showed a pink spot in a corner. "Playing with The Cancer. See?"

If Sniper didn't know better, he would think that Pilot developed some maliciousness. Thanks god, this guy was far too stupid for that.

Sniper couldn't help but wonder, what if he was crazy as well. Maybe everything would be easier that way? Unfortunately, he was perfectly sane; however, from a point of view of his mad teammates, it might look otherwise.

Nevertheless, his current life was terrible, full of unwanted "adventures" that came with near-death situations; all of that caused by his heartless, egoistic, megalomaniacal, mentally unstable boss - The Captain! Oh, how he heated this guy! Still, his company was better than loneliness, especially in this dismal, post-apocalyptic world.

"Gentlemen, I have a delicious new idea." Captain announced in official tone and Snippy froze in fear. "You are going to make one, big, magnificent piece of art together. I want you to draw me giant heart, just like zee one on my mug. I want it to be seen from zere." He pointed at the nearest 12-floor building. "Zee bigger, zee better!" He added, setting an elevated mood. "My minions, I am giving you unique opportunity to show, how much you love Zee Captain. Now, don't be shy. You can thank me."

In response, Sniper cursed his damn luck; Pilot gasped in excitement and Engineer fisted his hands - it looked like he wanted to punch somebody. Instead of doing it, he calmed down a bit. "We don't have enough chalk." He remarked, probably hoping that Captain will change his mind.

"So, what are you waiting for? Go get some!"

"You know what! Engie snapped. "With pleasure! At least, I'll be far away from you for a moment, you moron!"

Hearing his last line made Pilot twitch. "Don't call him that!" He sounded angry.

Sniper found that change of attitude scary. One of those days Pilot would kill one of them for sure, and he would prefer to stay alive.

"On a second thought..." Captain broke uncomfortable tension. "Mr Snippy should go."

"Why him?!"

"Why me?!"

Engineer and Sniper asked simultaneously.

"I'll go!" Pilot thrown his right hand in the air like a school kid. "Pick me, me, me!"

Three of them started to shout over. Finally, Captain had enough of this.

"Silence!" He ordered. "How dare you question my decisions! You are staying here in case I'd need your service, Mr Engie. Mr Snippy, you are going for a very important mission to find chalk supplies." Captain walked from side to side, his hands beside him, his voice incredibly strict. "Keep in mind, that we only need pink one." He continued his speech. "Pilot, do not be jealous of him. As you managed to portrait on your picture, Snippy has experience with monsters, which is required for this certain task. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Sir!" The trio responded. None of them very happy about it.

Later, during his march through the ruined city Snippy wondered, which one is angrier at him - Engineer or Pilot? Though, it didn't matter because both were probably wishing him horrible death by now.


End file.
